In the beginning. . .

In the beginning there was nothing and She thought, ‘There should be something.’ and behold there was.

And She thought ‘Well I can’t fucking see this, I wonder what it is.’

And She had no concept of Light or seeing so She pondered a great length of Time.

Which She had to invent in order to spend it thinking of Light and seeing, which She hadn’t yet made.


Then She sneezed. . . and saw and behold!

Light splayed all across the thing She had made. And it was good.

‘Now what is this creation I have begat?’ She queried and set upon a journey to discover it.

*   *    *

In the first Garden swaggered a very stylishly dressed Serpent.

And Eve jumped away.

“Do not fear me, madam.” said the adder.

And Eve responded “Wretched thing, I should have my husband slay you!”

But the Serpent replied, “Wait! If you but spare my life I shall give you this.” and he held forth an apple of deep crimson with a lime smear.

“An apple?!” Eve scoffed. “The Tree of Life bears all the apples we could want.”

But the Serpent pressed on, “This is a magic apple. Any who eat of it shall see Truth.”

Thus was Eve enraptured, though her brows did lower in suspicion even as her hand brought the apple to her lips.

Twas then Adam came upon them and saw Eve eating a new kind of apple.

“Where’d you get that?” he asked.

Eve replied, “The Serpent. Here try some.”

But Adam shook his head, “I’m not hungry.”

It was then She found them and said in anger ‘Who gave you that? What? You don’t like my apples anymore?’

Adam and Eve made as if to please Her but She would have none of their groveling.


She offered a choice.

Banishment or be turned into garden gnomes.

They left and She turned to the Serpent, who was sidling off.

And the stylishly dressed Serpent, having naught but his arms and legs to barter with, was forced to crawl upon his belly forever and never ate apples again.

*   *   *

Since the garden was now hidden from them, Adam and Eve traveled great lands and across oceans and enjoyed each other over and over.

And it was very good!

But She had laid a curse upon them; and their offspring were of many colors even though Adam and Eve were white as blow. And they had many children throughout their travels.

In every part of the world they made new color babies and they wept in joy.

Now all of mankind is descended from them, and brothers and sisters commit the most horrible of crimes, willfully ignorant of their sin.

Two offspring were called Abel and Cain.

Brothers they were and Abel was a shepherd and Cain tilled the ground, and it was good.

Under direction from Adam they paid homage to ‘She who banishes’ each harvest, Cain with his fruits of the ground and Abel with fat and fleece.

And ‘She who banishes’ simply adored the fleece, wearing it everywhere but the fruits laid rotting and She had none.

Now it came to pass that Cain grew distraught with being shamed by ‘She who banishes’ and spoke to Abel.

“Why does She like your fat so much?” and Abel replied “It is not the fat but the fleece She loves.”

Then Cain said, “My fruits are of the finest kind and all here love them. Why doesn’t She?”

Abel smiled and shrugged. “Perhaps She can’t eat fruit.”

And Cain felt a great anger rise within his breast and took a rock from the ground and smote Abel on the nose, killing him.

Later ‘She who banishes’ asked of Cain, “Where’s your brother?” and Cain said “I didn’t know it was my turn to watch him.”

“”Really?” She replied, shaking her head “Oh Cain,  know you not that I can smell his blood on you? I did not eat your fruit because I felt it’s beauty would be spoilt by my hands. I let it live and die as it should. Now, nothing will grow for you again. Thus the earth marks thee, killer!”

And Cain wept and said “Truly magnificent are you to withhold your purpose from me and cause me to slay my brother. Now anywhere I travel people shall seek my death. Awesome.”

But She said, “It was not awesome to slay your brother nor I that slew him, was it? Idiot. But fear not of those who seek your death, though they be everywhere, none shall kill you save me. Begone now to the east. To Nod. And thus I mark thee! ”

And Cain wept saying. “I shall bear thy mark and leave where you banish me.”

And so it was that ‘She who banishes’ began to be known of.